In case you haven’t heard, the northeast is expecting the arrival of their first significant snowfall this year. As soon as it’s done shutting down the southeast with an inch or two of snow, Winter Storm #Jonas is set to move up the coast with significant accumulations beginning Saturday morning. In preparation for the arrival of Jonas, here are the six (6) essential items you will need to “weather” the storm…
You will need bread. You need to run out and stock up on all the bread you can. You should get white bread, rye bread, wheat bread, pita bread, and, of course, don’t forget the pumpernickel. Bread is key in snow storm survival.
You will need milk. You need to stock up on as much milk as you can. You should get whole milk, 2% milk, 1% milk, and, of course, don’t forget the fat-free milk. What about skim milk you ask? If you’re going to drink skim milk then you may as well be drinking water, so don’t bother with skim milk.
Oh. My. Gawd. You NEED eggs!!! You need to stock up on as many eggs as you can. You should get white eggs, brown eggs, large eggs, and, of course, the extra large eggs. You’re allergic to eggs?!?! Yeah, so was I once. Then after a week of eating cold Chef Boyardee the first hot meal I had an opportunity to eat was eggs. Guess what? Yup, I ate them AND I lived. Of course, I had two paramedics standing on either side of me with epinephrine as I did so. Chances are they’ll be busy saving the people who didn’t get to the store in time to get eggs, so you may want to have some Benadryl on hand.
A Frying Pan
Yes, you will need a frying pan. If you don’t have one, then you need to get one. Of course, this is a snow storm so you actually need like twenty. Add those to your list to get at the supermarket that you’re about to run to.
Yes, you will also need some butter.
You will need a book. Any book that you find interesting will do. Here are six (6) of my recommendations:
- ROMANCE : Collide (Collide Series Book 1) by JC Hannigan – I don’t usually read romance… but when I do it’s from JC Hannigan.
- LITERARY FICTION : A Month of Sundays: Stories of Love and Loss by Megan Gordon – I do read quite a few collections… but I thoroughly enjoy Sundays and this book has way more than a month of them.
- GOTHIC FANTASY : Extreme Medical Services: Medical Care On The Fringes Of Humanity by Jamie Davis – everyone loves a good vampire story… just so long as they don’t “sparkle“. Thankfully, these vampires (and assorted other mythical denizens) don’t!
- MEMOIR : The Pride of the Hills: A Vollie’s Memoir by me – Yes, this is an absolute self-gratuitous plug for one of my many books.
- POST-APOCALYPTIC : Wool Omnibus Edition (Wool 1 – 5) (Silo series) by Hugh Howey – if you haven’t yet read this book, what are you waiting for? The movie? Hopefully it’s coming… but go read it. Now. All will be forgiven when you do.
- HUMOR : Interviews with Dead Celebrities by Adam Avitable – let John Edwards talk to your Aunt Tilly… Avitable has some REAL famous and REAL dead people
What To Do With What You Bought
- Whisk together milk and eggs
- In your frying pan melt the butter over medium heat
- Pour the milk and eggs mixture into a shallow container like a pie plate
- Dip the bread slices into the milk and egg mixture
- Drop the dipped bread slices into the pan
- Fry the bread slices until golden brown, then flip to cook the other side
- Eat the Jonas Toast while you read your book in the warm safety of your home
DO NOT NETFLIX AND “CHILL“
This will result in either another Jonas or Joan being brought into the world in about nine months, and we’re pretty much overpopulated already. Need proof? See how much of the items above you can actually get at the supermarket by the time you read this post. Hopefully it won’t look like this…