I’ve had this so called “Theorem Of Birthdays” for quite awhile, but for some reason I can’t seem to find it in the archives. It possibly got wiped back in 2012 when I got hacked but, luckily, I happen to remember it. So here is how I view birthdays and what their significance is:
- 1 Year Old – your chances of dying from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome drops dramatically
- 7 Years Old – it’s a luck number in many cultures
- 10 Years Old – you’ve made it a full decade and are in double digits… where you will remain the vast majority of the rest of your time on this earth
- 12 Years Old – it’s the last year you will be “cute” until you become a “rotten” teenager
- 13 Years Old – you’re officially a “rotten” teenager
- 16 Years Old – parents following society mythos declare it as your “Sweet 16” even though you are still a “rotten” teenager
- 18 Years Old – you can now vote for government officials, be drafted, and get an actual driver’s license instead of a permit BUT you still can’t drink
- 19 Years Old – your last year as a “rotten” teenager
- 20 Years Old – you’re no longer a “rotten” teenager, but rather a young adult
- 21 Years Old – you can finally drink legally!
- 25 Years Old – you get out of “Assigned Risk” with the car insurance companies
After turning 25 years old it becomes a near desolate wasteland with only two things left for you to look forward to:
- 50 Years Old – you can join AARP!
- 65 Years Old – you can FINALLY start getting that Social Security money back!
So yeah, that’s my “Theorem Of Birthdays“.
In other words, I hate them.
But then again, it is the only time I get Cookie Puss…
… so it can’t be ALL bad.