This year, in October, I will be marking my 10th Anniversary in blogging.
In those early days I was rocking a state of the art Black Template Of Doom (BTOD) BlogSpot blog powered by Blogger. I was pouring my thoughts… my ideas… my feelings… my very soul into the ether internet… and I thought no one was reading.
Until she commented on a blog post.
“She” being another blogger, also using a BlogSpot powered blog, who made a witty quip as I pined away from the dramatics of unrequited love.
Her name was Monique… and she was… well… unique to me in many ways. She was witty, funny, snarky, and unlike most women I had known otherwise. She could come across as reserved, but that was a huge underestimation. Her blog’s name, When We Were Liars, seemed oddly fitting… because at the time we were both anonymous bloggers (her real name wasn’t Monique… but it was a far better and prettier handle than the one I had myself then… or even now).
We would read each others posts. We’d leave comments on each others blogs sharing more of ourselves, connecting in different ways. We’d rent space out to each other in the “BlogMad” vacancy spot in our sidebars. We ended up on a blogger forum together, and would often e-mail one another privately about different topics ranging from the technical aspects of blog themes, to movies we wanted to see, to the fact that there was indeed a real Weber Grill restaurant. She was someone who I had a connection with… who I shared a commonality with… who I could call a friend.
Unfortunately, as internet friendships often do, we drifted apart in 2008. Perhaps drifted apart isn’t the right word… probably more like spun apart into the far corners of the blogosphere at a high velocity. The ending of that friendship is something that I recognize as my fault, and accept the responsibility for that.
Over the years, although we never directly spoke, I watched as she had the opportunity to meet other bloggers (and they her), see that she had met someone romantically, and noted that she was then married. I knew that at some point, I should reach out to her, perform the mea culpa, and repair that relationship. The thing is…it never seemed to be the right time… and honestly we crossed paths less and less. I just always thought I would have the time.
Those who know me know that I, of all people, should know better. I should know not to put off today because you never truly know about tomorrow. I should know this, and practice it, and live it. Yet… I don’t. It’s a mistake I make, quite frequently, but never seem to learn from. Sure enough… I found out tonight through the internet and the way life works that I will never have the opportunity to reconnect with someone who I considered a dear friend.
So. Although it is too late in this world…
Catherine, I am sorry for what I did/said that hurt you. I’m also sorry that we never got to the Weber Grill restaurant, let alone actually physically meet. Thank you for being a bright spot in my day, and I truly appreciate both your honesty and, truthfully, the bluntness in which you often delivered it.
Finally, Catherine, I wish you peace and a good journey where you are going from here….
And all that call my little droogies… all that cal…